April Rain
by XtinethePirate
Summary: Three Years after the Endless Waltz is complete...but does "happily ever after" really exist for two old soldiers?


Disclaimer: I only own Zechs. He's MINE! sees lawyers approaching Ummm.... nope! Don't own any Gundam Wing stuff! What's Gundam wing? Never heard of it.......  
  
Moving right along.....

April 17 2004

April Rain

[AC 199]

The city was grey and gloomy, held captive under iron clouds that hung low over the buildings, rumbling with quiet threats. A misty drizzle drifted through the streets, permeating clothes and moods, seeping into every aspect of life. Concrete in the rain has a very definite scent, like the ashes of a campfire whose flame has long since been smothered. The streets seen from above were a forest of umbrellas, bright colour dimmed with the dreary aspects of the day. Anonymous scowling faces negotiated the crowds in silence under the plastic roof, accompanied only by curses when a stray puddle snatched at someone's foot. It was a changeable day, meant for deep thoughts. It was a day for wistful dreams and casual romance; or one of despair and love's flames extinguished.

Raindrops flowed in irregular patterns down the windows of my apartment, as thought the glass itself was weeping. Its surface was cool and smooth under my palms as I leaned against the pane to look down the street. It was my usual ritual, though I knew better than to think I'd see him coming. He had become very adept at hiding in plain sight during the war, inconspicuous even in an empty room. I never knew he was near until his hands brushed my shoulders, or softly said my name.

I sighed quietly, leaning my forehead against the cold glass. Three years ago, I thought that all of my dreams were coming true. The war was over, there were no more threats to the Earth Sphere; I could be free to do whatever I desired. Three years ago, Mars had been a desolate planet, this city only a dream in the mind of Relena Peacecraft. I had joined the crowd that was the first expedition to the planet, pioneers on a barren landscape. Now buildings flowed across the planet's red surface, being built at an astounding rate until I could no longer see the horizon from my window. For some inexplicable reason, it bothered me. He would laugh if I told him that. Paradise wasn't turning out to be what I had expected. My handsome, fairy-tale prince was still a soldier at heart, restless in the peace that was spreading throughout the colonies. I could see past his smile to the war-torn darkness that still haunted his eyes. Sometimes, I would wake in the middle of the night to find him standing by the windows, his face touched with the orange lights of the city, turning his eyes to silver and illuminating the longing there. In battle, he had been free…I couldn't offer him that.

I could never make him happy.

A key turned in the lock, the only sound to betray his presence. He could move more quietly than a cat when he was so inclined. A heard the door open, accompanied by the sudden fresh scent of rain that filled the room. The door closed behind him with a quiet _click_. I checked my watch; he was two hours late.

"What kept you?" I asked quietly, turning to face him. "I called the space port an hour ago, they told me your shuttle had arrived on time." I hated being suspicious, but the question echoed between us in the ensuing silence.

_Where have you been? I was worried…_

Something in my voice gave him pause, for he hesitated, looking at me for a long moment before shaking his head dismissively. "I had some things to do." He replied vaguely.

"Things." I repeated dully, feeling as though an iron band had been wrapped around my heart, squeezing it tight.

"Mmm-hmm," he responded without elaborating as he walked towards the bedroom, already shrugging out of his damp clothes. I followed him with my eyes, drinking in every fluid motion, the casual grace with which he subconsciously moved, unsure if or when I'd ever see it again.

"What have you been doing?" he called from the darkness of the room's interior.

"Thinking." I crossed my arms over my chest defensively, waiting for him to emerge. The air seemed charged, like the atmosphere before a storm. I didn't know when it would break over us, but it had been coming for a long time in my mind. A bitter smile tugged at my lips, tinged with all the jealous thoughts I would never admit to. "How's Lucrezia?"

He paused in the doorway, a flash of anger crossing his face, forgetting the buttons on his shirt that were yet undone. Anger dissolved into wary puzzlement, and he leaned against the doorframe, watching me in silence.

"She's fine," he replied guardedly, scrutinizing me with the intensity of a hawk. When I made no further comment, he was forced to break the silence with a sigh of exasperation. "Why do you care? What is all this about?"

"What do you think?" I replied sharply, leaving the question deliberately open for him to reply. Let him admit to anything that was weighing on his mind first.

_You must know what I suspect…_

He ran a hand through his hair, looking harried. "She's leaving in two days. I'm late because I went to say goodbye to her. Is _that_ what's bothering you?" he smiled disarmingly, with a small shrug.

I laughed shortly, despair clutching at me as I crossed the room to sit down on the couch. He said my name, concerned. I looked up at him, meeting his eyes across the room. "She was in love with you."

"Oh don't start…" he groaned, walking fully into the room, over to the windows. He placed one hand against the glass, gazing out over the city as I had done before. The muted, bluish daylight picked out silver highlights in his blonde hair as he turned from the view. He regarded me seriously. "Yes, I know she was. Why does it suddenly matter to you?"

I exploded off the couch, my hands clenched into fists. "It matters because I've seen the way she looks at you Zechs!" I shouted, pouring all the bitterness I'd harboured in my soul into my tirade. "I've seen the way you are when you're together.

_Like the perfect couple, madly in love._

She's in love with you, and has been for years. Now, when you've been gone for a week, you come home late because you've been _saying goodbye?_" I stood in front of him, breathing hard, filled with anger and mad jealousy. "What am I supposed to think?"

No emotion showed on his face, not even the barest flicker of reaction in an unguarded moment. I wanted him to yell, to be furious at my unfounded accusations. I wanted him to protest his innocence, to give me a perfectly logical explanation. I wanted him to say _something_.

_Tell me that I'm wrong…_

The silence stretched between us, driving a splinter of fear deeper into my mind. My apprehensions grew darker with every passing second. In my mind's eye I could see him bending to kiss her, his silvery-blonde hair falling over his shoulders to frame their faces like a silken curtain. I could almost hear her sweet laughter, a mocking knell that echoed in my thoughts.

_Say something, Zechs…_

I broke eye contact first, unable to hold that inscrutable gaze for a moment longer. I turned away from him sharply, away from those gorgeous eyes that were the colour of a summer sky at dawn.

"That's what you think?" he said slowly from behind me. I bit my lip at the sound of his voice, filled with pained disbelief. "You truly believe that I would…." He trailed off into melancholy silence, with a harsh laugh.

I closed my eyes tightly, refusing to turn and look at him. I _couldn't_ look at him; I would lose all my resolve if I did. It had to be ended here.

"I want you to leave," my quiet words filled the gulf stretching between us, every syllable falling heavily into the tangible silence.

He didn't argue, didn't utter a word of protest as he went to get his coat. I didn't watch him; I could hear from his movements that all the grace had been drained out of him. His motions were almost mechanic, the body acting automatically while the mind recovered from pain. I returned instead to looking out through the rain-spattered window, watching the world pass by below with eyes unseeing.

He set something sown on the table, a soft noise against the glass.

"In case you thought I'd forgotten your birthday," he said stiffly, voice tinged with regret, "Noin helped me pick it out." He paused, as though wanting to say something more, but thought better of it.

The door slammed shut behind him, sending cracks running through my heart and shattering the fragile remnants of my dreams.

_It's over,_ the sound whispered into the silence, _he's not coming back._

I slammed my fist against the window, letting out a long slow breath. It was over, it had to be done, I couldn't live with the uncertainties, always wondering.

"It wouldn't have worked out anyways, in the end." I rationalized aloud to myself, staring out at the dreary city, mirrored skyscrapers slashing vertical lines across the dove-grey sky.

_It worked for three years…_

"She was in love with him, and they were so perfect together. It was only a matter of time before something happened."

_He never said he loved her back…_

"It was an impossible dream. How could two old soldiers who were former enemies ever be together? We spent the better part of a year trying to kill one another. We would have ended up hating each other."

_We were happy together…who's to say it wouldn't have lasted?_

I blocked out my traitorous thoughts, letting go of my meaningless rationalizations that sounded hollow even to me. I tried to call to mind all the anger that had burned my thoughts, but only the memory of my black loneliness while he had been gone came to mind.

Realization hurts. I was lonely without his sarcastic wit and dry humour, without him.

"It's for the best…." It was a weak validation. I tried to recall the hatred in his eyes when we had fought in AC 195, the pure loathing that suffused his expression. It had been there; I knew that…. All I could remember was his smile.

Turning roughly away from the window, I picked up the box that lay forlorn on the table. The wrapping paper's deep blue reflected the colour of my eyes; I knew that was why he had picked it. I wanted to throw it away, to try to forget the whole afternoon – or better yet, our almost three years together. New doubts were nagging at me, tugging at the edges of my mind, and assailing me with worry.

With a sigh, I ripped the paper off, lifting the lid to find myself staring blankly at the smaller box contained inside. The black velvet was soft under my trembling fingers as I reluctantly opened it.

Inside, a gleaming circle of gold, with no extravagant engravings or opulent stones to mar its perfection – he knew me better than that. It glittered faintly in the dimming light of the apartment, an elegant mockery of my suspicions. A small piece of paper nestled under it, containing only two words in his concise handwriting, the black ink a stark contrast to the pale paper. Marry me.

I started to laugh; blinking through a haze of tears as I picked up the ring, seeing that there was an inscription on the inside.

'_Ai shiteru Z'_

All my righteous anger and groundless suspicions drained from me, I sank to my knees beside the table, left with only crushed fragments of dreams, and a terrible emptiness. And I, the so-called "perfect soldier", who had killed thousands of people during the Eve Wars without ever shedding a tear of remorse, began to cry.

It was a day for wistful dreams and casual romance; or one of despair and love's flames extinguished….

END

Yes, I know, I'm mean….

Comments? Suggestions? Let me know! KISAMA!

Xtine the devious pirate and Pokémon master


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